"Love life -it's something to do"

The first picture was taken by my first husband, I was 28 and I lived in Germany at the time. The second picture was taken when I was briefly single, at 38, and this is me delivering a one-minute-speech at a course for public speaking in the UK. The third I took myself during my second marriage, still in the UK. I was shooting videos to promote my book, almost 48.

Life is strange. And when it gets too strange or painful, I try to remind myself of the quote: "Love life - it's something to do!"

 It feels as if I had lived at least 5 lives until now. Finally I have arrived at my own really where I'd be doing the thing that makes me feel alive. And that is some form of public speaking. I'm starting though at an unexpected angle, offering a space where you can dance and connect - in Greece. Of all places, I landed in Greece, on Syros and I don't see a reason to leave. The main goal is to connect people and I can't think of a nicer way to do that.

Will I ever get married again? I doubt it but who knows. Will I ever love again? That's not even the question. I love, my heart is open. I love the people around me, I love the cats that I encounter. I will make the effort for others and that is love.

Will anyone ever truly love me? Also not the right question. A better one is - will I ever allow anyone to love me, will I allow myself to be loved?

We are all walking up (or sometimes down) a spiral staircase, repeating the same story again and again, just from a different height, perhaps with a bit more perspective. And we hope beyond hope that one day we will reach a landing and be able to stand still for a moment and enjoy the view, the fruit of our effort, be it in relationships, in our careers or in our dreams.

If you want a detailed biography, it's right at the beginning of my book but that's not who I am. Those are just my experiences.

 I am someone who believes in doing the right thing, who believes in helping each other. Someone who hasn't given up, not on myself and not on others. I'm not bitter but I am tough on myself. So even when someone else betrays me, I ask myself, how could I have allowed such a person into my life. The responsibility lies with me who I let in and keep out.

In an attempt to understand how to change repeating patterns of my life, I dove into the knowledge which is now at our fingertips online. But the knowledge itself is not enough. You still need practice to say no, practice not to succumb to your own fear of missing out. Or practice how to leave as soon as something doesn't feel right.

 I'm still learning, still practicing to say no, still trying to forgive myself for the last stupid mistake of letting someone into my life where I saw lots of red flags and still ignored them. And I vow I shall do better next time.

 I guess that's who I am. Human.